So it’s mental health week. Mental health is great when it’s great and shite when it’s not.
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Take it from someone who has been on the edge of a breakdown for a few weeks now. Flailing aimlessly from one fuck up to the next. Take it from someone who is off work today because they’ve been up since 2am crying.
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I’ve had OCD for the best part of 26 years now. Numbers. Rituals. Checking on people when they were sleeping a set number of times each night because if I didn’t they would die. Driving over zebra crossings. There wouldn’t be a person for miles. Yet I would be convinced I had run someone over. It’s not all handwashing and being organised and all that crap. When you know,you know.
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I went through my teens and early twenties battling eating disorders and body dysmorphia. Ana. How I hate that name.
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I have harmed and abused my body in ways that I can’t bare to mention. Hurting myself so I could feel physical pain. Drinking to blackouts every night to forget. Now coming up to 6 years sober.
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I became severely depressed after getting sick and spent 9 months on anti depressants which caused me panic attacks.
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And yet. I’m still here. As the all round legend Reginald Dwight once sang,I’m still standing. Why? How? I have no idea.
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But partly,because I talk about it. There’s nothing mentioned here that I wouldn’t tell a friend,a colleague,a stranger if they asked. There’s nothing I wouldn’t tell them even if they hadn’t asked. I love to talk after all.
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I talk to Jack all the time about when I’m struggling. When I think I’m going to struggle. He listens. He makes me a cup of tea. He brings Molly Cat over to me for cuddles.
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I have shite mental health. I always have and I probably always will.
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But that’s ok. I’ll keep talking about it. I’ll keep fucking my life up because of it. And I’ll keep veering from highs to lows and back again for the rest of my life.
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But I have a great support team.People I can call on no matter the situation.No matter how I’m feeling.No matter how trivial.
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A problem shared is a problem halved.A problem shared a million times is a problem split a million times.
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Talk.You are not alone. Mental health impacts on everyone.
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Talk
